- By Mary Shaw
They say that the Internet is shrinking the world. Online, you can meet
and exchange ideas with people you otherwise would never encounter. But
when you fall in love with someone over the Internet, with hundreds - or
even thousands - of miles between you, the world can seem much too big.
Chins up, long-distance lovers. It can work. Below are some cases in
point.
Long-Distance Success Stories
(The names and locations have been changed.)
Rob was a 42-year-old computer programmer living in Philadelphia. He was
recovering from a very dysfunctional relationship when he met Rhonda on
an Internet Relay Chat (IRC) channel. Rhonda seemed like the woman of
his dreams - a beautiful, intelligent, self-assured, 46-year-old art
dealer and former model; but Rhonda lived 300 miles away, in San
Francisco. Through weeks and months of late-night chat sessions, their
friendship grew deep. Five months after their first online conversation,
they decided to meet in person. They chose New Orleans, a place in
between that they had both always wanted to visit. They were careful to
keep their expectations low, to avoid potential disappointment. After
all, each had already met people online, and then later in person, only
to discover that online chemistry does not necessarily guarantee
face-to-face chemistry. With Rob and Rhonda, however, it turned out that
the face-to-face chemistry was clearly there, as evidenced right away by
the steamy cab ride from the airport to the hotel. A year later, Rob
landed a programming job in Silicon Valley, and he and Rhonda were
married. It's been three years since the wedding, and they're still
living happily ever after.
Laura was a 32-year-old flight attendant living in Chicago when she met
Eduard, a 36-year-old Parisian businessman, in an online chat room.
While Laura spoke no French, Eduard read, wrote, and spoke English
fluently, and the two quickly developed a friendship. Eventually, Laura
arranged to work a Chicago-to-Paris flight, with a two-day layover, and
she and Eduard met in person. They enjoyed each other's company so much
that Laura arranged to work the Chicago-to-Paris route on a regular
basis. After two years, their long-distance friendship continues, and
has blossomed into a serious romance. Laura, who is now fluent in
French, is currently negotiating with her airline to arrange a permanent
transfer to Paris.
Joanne, a 28-year-old marketing executive from Boston, met Brian, a
40-year-old manufacturer's representative from Cleveland, at a
convention in Baltimore. A friendship developed over dinner and drinks
on the last night of the convention. They exchanged e-mail addresses and
phone numbers, and agreed to stay in touch. Their friendship grew, and a
romance developed. Since they both travel extensively in their work,
they took advantage of their frequent flyer programs and started
visiting each other as often as possible. Their long-distance romance
continues.
Making it Work
For every long-distance relationship that works, surely there are
several that don't. When your lover lives far away, he or she can't
always be there in an emergency, or when you're ill, or when you're
lonely, or when you just need a hug. So how can you make it work? Our
successful couples comment:
"You have to have trust," says marketing exec Joanne. "If I constantly
wondered if Brian were seeing other women out there in Cleveland, while
I am out of sight, it wouldn't work. I would become a nervous wreck, and
he would always be on the defensive. Those kinds of emotions have no
place in a healthy relationship."
"It helps if both parties are independent," says flight attendant Laura.
"I was very happy with my life before I met Eduard, and he was doing
just fine as well. Neither of us was necessarily looking for a
relationship, so there was never any pressure. We started out as casual
friends, and our feelings grew from there. No pressure, no neediness, no
anxiety. I could live without him, and he could live without me. We just
prefer to be together."
But it doesn't have to be that casual, according to Rob. "Rhonda and I
fell madly in love, first online and then later in person. It felt
right. There was no question that we belonged together. There was no
jealousy, no doubt, no insecurity. We had found each other. We belonged
together. So we did what were meant to do. Now we're husband and wife,
and we couldn't be happier. True love can overcome any obstacle."
Rob's last line says it all. Long-distance romance isn't for everyone.
But if you find Mr. or Ms. Right online, and you are both willing to
work at it, you just might find true love.
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