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Title: An Exact Map to My G Spot
Author: Karen Fish
Article:
Here is an exact map to my G spot, precise directions for its
stimulation, and an analysis of the hotly debated topic, "Is the G Spot
a UFO type myth?" Human beings can fly spaceships to the end of the
Universe, communicate with dead people, walk on water and part the Red
Sea, but their scientists have not yet been able to determine whether
female ejaculate from G spot stimulation is G Spot fluid or urine. You
are about to find out the answer to this burning question.
While the world goes into contortions over the newly elected Hamas
Government and the question of whether or not Iran should be allowed to
build nuclear bombs, let us concern ourselves with more practical
matters. In June of 2005 Iran's new hard line President Mahmoud
Ahmadinejad, the son of a blacksmith, defeated former Eeranian President
Akbar Hashemi Rafsanjani in a runoff election. Many in the Muslim World
are wondering where George Bush Jr. gets off acting like President
Ahmadinejad's mother.
Others are wondering how a 6'4" man who blew up the World Trade Center,
the Pentagon, and just missed the White House has managed to hide among
Munchkins for 5 years evading capture from the most sophisticated
military in the history of life on Earth, with the capability of
photographing your G spot from mystical satellites orbiting 10,000 miles
above you. And still, the debate rages over whether the female ejaculate
is urine or G Spot fluid. Perhaps a scientist should taste it. G spot
fluid is clear and sweet. It's Tropicana's newest Patent Pending flavor.
The G spot is named after the famous German gynecologist and homophobe
Ernest Grafenberg. Joseph Lieberman is named after Joseph in the Holy
Bible. Joseph's bothers dug a hole in the ground and left him there to
die. Joseph escaped and then became the Prince of Egypt. He was an
excellent dream interpreter and pyramid engineer. When the land of
Israel suffered a drought, Joseph's 12 brothers traveled to Egypt in
search of food. They approached Joseph but no one recognized him. They
said to Joseph, "Please Pharaoh give us some sustenance so that we may
eat." Joseph replied, "You are not worthy of Graffenburg fluid."
Here is the map to my G spot. I am laying on my back. You take your
middle finger and insert it into the exact center of my vagina. Proceed
up the top wall for approximately 2". At this point your finger will
descend into a valley. Keep going and you will leave the valley. Now you
know that the valley is there.
Now back up into the center of the valley. The exact center of the
valley is the G spot. Now you need to know what to do with it.
This part is quite important. My girlfriend Lindsay had an unfortunate
experience. Her boyfriend had found this internet site in his mailbox
where he learned how to stimulate the G spot. He curled his index finger
up and stroked Lindsay's G spot hard. Two blood transfusions later at
the Good Samaritan Hospital Lindsay came out of her coma. If you are not
interested in 4 years of embarrassing litigation, when you insert your
index finger into your girlfriend's hot, wet, (St. Ives Extreme Relief
Intensive Relief Advanced Unscented Hypo-Allergenic Therapy Lotion comes
in handy here if in your excitement at your new trick you forgot to kiss
her and fondle her breasts and lick her clitoris first) vagina, instead
of curling your middle finger up, arch it backwards and use the under
pad of your middle finger to gently caress your girlfriend's G spot in
circular motions, or back and forth, or up and down, as you lick her
clitoris, alternating between fingering her fast until she experiences
her first ever simultaneous vaginal, clitoral, G spot orgasm. You will
know it has happened when the walls of her vagina clench your fingers,
she is squirting tasty water all over your face, the bed is soaking, she
is screaming Jesus' name so loud that the neighbors have called 911 and
you are being escorted from her bedroom with your hands cuffed tightly
behind your back, and your wrists hurt so bad that never again are you
able to pronate through the impact area. If this happens then do what
the Pros do. Supinate.
When you first begin your new trick, your girlfriend may feel the need
to urinate because the Skene's glands that you are caressing, the female
version of the Prostate, are quite close to her bladder. Unless you want
a mouthful of urine, (which many submissive Washington politicians are
willing to trade their votes for) allow your girlfriend to use the
washroom before proceeding further. You don't want her wearing depends
during sexual relations; that's almost as uncomfortable as latex
condoms. Why not don a haz-mat outfit with body armor, a sword and a
shield?
The male penis generally curves upward. God created it this way so that
it would stimulate the woman's G spot during intercourse. This is why in
actuality the ideal length for the male penis is 4 inches.
Unfortunately, in some men the penis curves downwards. This can be
corrected by a minor surgical procedure followed by 6 months of
physiotherapy. The question arises, given the human biology, why do
women prefer Doggy Style? During doggy style the normal man's penis is
stimulating the back wall instead of the front wall. The answer is that
in doggy style the man's penis is simulating the arched middle finger.
It all depends on where you sit. This is Einstein's theory of
relativity. Whether you are a terrorist or a hero depends upon which
side you are on. If you are Jewish living in the land of Canaan during
Jesus' lifetime, then the occupying Roman Empire are your oppressors,
and your resistance fighters are heroes. If on the other hand you are
the occupiers in Samaria today then the Palestinian resistance fighters
are called terrorists. It all depends on your position. Are you the
attacker or the attackee? Have you called Jenny yet?
If you are Jewish and the German people are tossing you into the gas
chambers then Germans are a holes. However if you live in Israel today
and the Germans are referring Iran to the UN Security council then the
German people are your best friend.
Had professor Einstein not been on vacation when Hitler came to power
and not returned, but immigrated to the United States of America, the
children in the United States would all have been white today, and may
God bless you, Coretta Scott King. You may think that the Christian,
Muslim, Jewish beginning of nuclear world war 3 that we are now involved
in is a bad thing, but how many American children knew where Afghanistan
was prior to 911?
It seems that human beings can only form close ties after engaging in
world wars against one another, like 2 heavy weight boxers after a hard
fought match embracing in the center of the ring, their sweat dripping
like someone had just stimulated their prostate gland.
About the author:
Karen Fish is a writer currently living in Los Angeles California.
http://www.thetempleoflove.com The Temple of Love - The World Peace Site |
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