You’ve had a hectic day at the office; endless piles of papers waiting to be shuffled while creatively skirting a boss who’s suffering from male PMS. All you want is to go home and relax. Executing a perfect swan dive onto your bed, you allow your mind to wander to more pleasant destinations. One thing leads to another, and before you know it…“What the hell do you think you’re doing? Aren’t I good enough?”…your girlfriend has just walked in the door and caught you in a moment of self indulgence.

Confusion, coupled with red-faced embarrassment, sets in. What was supposed to be a chance to unwind has become a litany of venom laced insults coming from that tiny creature in the doorway. “What’s the big deal?” you wonder. (Don’t make the mistake of asking this out loud; try mumbling something unintelligible until she’s calmed down.) Besides, while she might be laying a guilt trip on you for boppin’ the bologna, you happen to know for a fact that hidden in her dresser drawer, she has a plaything twice your size with more rotating lights than a fire truck. Where’s the justice?

Our gender conditioning while growing up is what sets men and women apart in the art of masturbation. Little boys are comfortable with handling their ‘accessories’ because it is a requirement of a basic bodily function. As they get older, this comfort level allows them more pleasurable personal pursuits. Not so for little girls. There is no reason to teach them anything beyond normal hygiene, so by the time they become sexually active, they’re dealing with uncharted territory. Add to this the persistent perception that only ‘bad girls’ ever touch themselves ‘there’, and you have half the human population thinking there’s something inherently wrong with the other half.

There is hope though. Remember that flashing, rotating latex timber in her dresser? Obviously, she self pleasures, even if it isn’t quite the same hands on approach and probably only when you’re out of town for a week. The trick now is to help her become more open about it. Start introducing masturbation into your sex play.

The next time you’re stroking her nether regions, gently take her wrist and guide her hand there, telling her how much you’d like to watch. She may keep going, thinking she’s putting on a show for you, and find out that it’s actually more fun than she thought it would be. You could add a mirror or two, let her watch her inner porn star immerge.  Most women never have the opportunity to have a good look between their own thighs, and that lack of visual familiarity can add to the alienation we feel towards our genitalia.

 Make it a bit of a game or challenge by telling her the only acceptable way she can get your undivided ‘special’ attention for the next few days is by slipping her fingers under her skirt and demonstrating her discomfort.

Pick up some fresh batteries, take her weapon of destruction out of seclusion, and have her use it, in front of you. Now would be a good time to let her see you slowly stroking yourself while you savor the image she’s portraying. The key here is ‘slowly’, giving her the impression that you want her so badly, you can’t help yourself (and at this point, that’s probably true). Invite her to take over or watch. If you’re stuck on an out of town business trip, the phone or computer can be used as an added twist. She’ll be putty as your voice growls into her ear, coaching her to do shocking, unspeakable acts while letting her know that you’re doing pretty much the same thing.

With enough well-thought out play, women can and do become comfortable with masturbation. In helping your woman become more personally intimate, you’ll reduce subconscious sexual barriers she may have. This in turn will make her less inhibited in other adventures you might want to try. By including her, she may stop viewing your hand as ‘the other woman’, and see it instead as a valuable partner.